20

Can we say Geektastic? I think I had a nerdgasm.

***Updated as someone kindly pointed out to me that my links were improperly done. They should be working better now. 🙂

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I take pride in my geekery. I have no shame in it at all, and quite frankly feel like when I’m with my fellow geeks, I’m with “my people”. That is where I fit in. I love the references, the jokes, all of it.

So imagine the nerdgasm I had when I was nominated as one of the FIRST EVER RECIPIENTS of the Modern Man of the Cloth Geekery Awards!  (Seriously, follow this link. It’s great!) I tried really hard not to spit out my morning juice as I grinned, but I failed and had some pitifully dribble down my chin. But I just don’t care, because I am now “The Joker”!

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? You had a bad day and everything changed."

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That’s how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? You had a bad day and everything changed.”

I am going to quote directly from his post, because I don’t want to do a disservice to his creativity.  Anything you see quoted is sourced directly from his post, which you can find in the link above. “The Joker – Your humour is infectious, and maybe even a little dark. Your posts have made me laugh out loud almost every time. I would like to give this award to Jennifer of https://howtoruinatoddlersday.wordpress.com/

OMFG – I LOVE IT!

Here’s the best part – there are more nerdtastic awards that I now get to give to other people.

Strap in and get ready folks, we’re in for a wild one!

1. The Optimus Prime Award – “Your blog is so inspiring I just want to ‘transform, roll out’ and follow you”. I would like to give this award to Atlantamomofthree.

optimus-prime award

2) The Philip J Fry Award – Seeing the gorgeous jewelry you post every day makes me want to say “Shut up and take my money!”. I would like to give this award to We’re all mad here…

Philip J Fry Award

3) The Gandalf the Gray Award – “When you make a point your arguments are so thought out and so persuasive no counter argument can stand.” I would like to give this award to Momma needs coffee.

Galdalf the Gray award

4) The This is Sparta Award – “Everything you say is powerful and strong. Agree or disagree I find your passion and convictions so inspiring.” I would like to give this award to Mummy Flying Solo.

This is Sparta Award

5) The Joker Award – To a person after my own heart. “Your humour is infectious, and maybe even a little dark. Your posts have made me laugh out loud almost every time.” I would like to give this award to Mentalmom02’s blog.

The Joker Award

Now for the rules, as established by the Man of the Modern Cloth himself:

  1. Like I tell my children you should always say thank you
  2. Please link back to the post that gave you your award
  3. If you won any of these awards you can pass along any of these made up, but still real, awards to someone else. Or can create your own awards to tell someone how awesome you think they are.
  4. Tell us 58 random things about you and 41 things that that make you interesting**

** Not a real rule.

This might be the best award I have ever received, so I hope that you will all accept yours and pass them along. Remember to link back to this post, and it would be great to link back to the creator’s post as well.

Happy Sunday!

30

How I ruined my toddler’s day today.

I told her that even though it is fun, baby powder is not for playing with. As you can see, she is not impressed I took the rest away from her.

image

I left the room long enough to get a comb for her hair. This is what I came back to find. Luckily, the friends I was meeting with for a play date today didn’t mind me being late.

So if anyone is feeling generous, I will accept donations of the following: a professional carpet cleaner, a healthy dose of sanity, chocolate in any form, wine in any form, a babysitter.

26

Who needs birth control reminders…

…when you have a toddler who has regular temper tantrums.

Seriously. That’s reminder enough for me to take my daily dose.

It seems we have entered the phase of temper tantrums full force. It has taken a toll on me today. One minute she’s the cutest, sweetest kid you’ve ever seen in your life (and I’m not just saying that because I’m her mother and I’m biased…ok maybe a little, but she’s completely adorable!). Then, faster than you can blink, she’s gone all Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde on your ass and it’s like… “Whose kid is this!?!?!”

Maybe if I can teach her to do it on command, she could make herself a few bucks.

Maybe if I can teach her to do it on command, she could make herself a few bucks.

For example, today she was playing with her little plastic kitten. She had a stretchy bracelet that she was attempting to put around it’s neck like a necklace. She was standing there trying, unsuccessfully for many minutes, and becoming visibly increasingly frustrated. So I finally spoke up.

Me: “Hey L, would you like Mama to help?”

L: Running over enthusiastically with a smile on her face. Shakes head yes, and hands both over to me.

I put the bracelet on the cat’s neck like a necklace and go to hand it back to her.

She smiles, reaches out for it, takes it in her hands and then throws it across the length of the room while simultaneously dropping herself to the floor. Let the screaming, kicking, and full body throws of unbalanced emotions begin.

Oh crap. Remind me to keep her away from my car.

Oh crap. Remind me to keep her away from my car.

I’m meanwhile, just sitting there watching in amazement at the many ways my daughter can contort her body. I mean, I don’t want to give in and give her attention as it will just be negative reinforcement for her behaviour.

So I sat back and watched the show. When she realized that nobody was really paying her any attention she finally sat up and looked at me. This conversation ensued:

Me: “Are you finished?”

L: Crossed arms, hung head, and a pout. No words.

Me: “If you’re finished, please stand up and go pick up your cat.”

I know this is bound to go on for years to come. Thankfully my fiance came home tonight with a chocolate bar weighing 400g’s, and as long as my forearm. I’m going to need it!

I’m not quite sure how else to handle it really. This is a new phase. Do any of you have any suggestions on how to handle the meltdowns and make them less frequent?

(I’ve got the chocolate and wine handled, but that’s more for me after she’s gone to bed).

16

“Sweetie, please don’t touch my boobs in public.”

Success Kid

The time has come. My daughter is obsessed with my boobs.

She’s learned all of her body parts and can identify them on command. But as of today, she seems to be enamoured by my breasts.

It started this morning when I was buckling her into her car seat. As I was leaning in to make sure her belt was tight enough, she touched my right boob. At least by going for the right one, she went for the one that still has some oomph left and isn’t deflated and flaccid after my breastfeeding days. (On a side note, did you know flaccid was spelled with a double “c”? I’m usually quite good at spelling, but I actually was taken back when my typed “flacid” was shown as spelled incorrectly. Learn something new every day!). She used one little finger, touched it, looked up at me and said “That?”. Fair enough. I’m fairly well endowed, so it’s not something I can hide or camouflage easily. All I could think was that it was best to be matter of fact about it.

Me: “That’s Mummy’s boob”.

L: (pointing again) “That?” – I guess she’s looking for confirmation. We learned her other body parts by repeating.

Me: “It’s a boob sweetie”.

I didn’t think much more of it, got into the front of my car and drove her to my Mother’s for the day. At my mothers, she did the same thing when I was in my Mom’s kitchen. She again, touched my boob and said “That?”. I don’t think there’s a point in not telling her what it is, so I answered again. “It’s a boob”.

I don’t know if she obsessed upon it for the remainder of the day while I was at work. However, after work, while shopping for a new computer monitor (Yay! I can actually see what I’m typing now – our old monitor was shite!), she reached up from the shopping cart. I had a feeling what was going to happen, but I had her half-eaten banana in one hand, and my purse in the other, while trying to push the cart. She didn’t just point this time. She took advantage of my full hands, and full on grabbed. Actually, she didn’t even stop at a grab. She “petted” my boob and said “Oooohh!”.

demotivational-posters-funny-kid-touching-boobs

Oh for God’s sake. You haven’t been breastfed or seen a boob since we stopped breastfeeding, and that was 15 months ago. Why all of a sudden are you caressing me in public!

Queue me dropping my purse on the ground, shoving the peeled banana inside (yeah that was fun to clean off of my wallet later), and trying to distract her as quickly as possible. What’s nearby? My fiance is looking at electronics, and there’s some DVD’s – quick! “Here L, look! It’s Strawberry Shortcake!”.

Success found in pink, cartoony, animated goodness.

It’s not that I am ashamed of my breasts, or don’t understand that curiosity is a natural thing. I was just taken so off guard by the sudden caressing, with the “Oooooh!” and the people staring at me.

I wonder how long this phase is going to last…

 

 

11

“Can we seriously not bring you anywhere fun?”

Picture this. A weekend where both my fiance and I don’t have to work. That’s something worth celebrating – let’s take the kiddo somewhere fun!

There’s this great little place where we live called The Discovery Centre. It’s a place for kids to learn and explore science in fun cool ways. They have lots of hands on stations and exhibits. It’s quite engaging and even the adults can find cool things to do. Even the toys they sell in the gift shop are cool. We’re talking stuffed animals in the shapes of parameciums, DNA, and the flu virus’. Yeah, this Mom is a nerd.

Here’s their website in case you want to have an idea of what I’m talking about: http://www.discoverycentre.ns.ca/

So we decided to take little L there for an afternoon. We go in, pay, and head upstairs to the second floor which is geared more towards the toddler age. Once we got to that floor, her eyes lit up. First instinct – RUN TO ALL THE THINGS!

Between the giant sandbox where you can “dig” for dinosaurs, the bubble room, and the HUGE lego area, you’d think she’d have no reason to complain, right?

942523_10151339099141455_165976718_n

WRONG!

Well Mom’s and Dad’s, here’s a little hint for you. DO NOT TRY TO MAKE SURE YOUR KID SEES EVERYTHING. That’s what we tried to do. I mean when you’ve been in the sandbox digging dino’s for 30 minutes, we thought you might be interested in at least KNOWING that there’s a bubble room around the corner. A bubble room where you can actually stand on a platform, pull a lever and have a giant bubble encapsulate your body.

So we tried to lead her towards the bubble room. MELTDOWN!!!

Body on the floor. Face down. Screaming and crying. SERIOUSLY? You don’t even have tantrums like this at home, so you decide to do it in public?! All the other parents are staring wondering what the hell we could have done to make a kid so upset in such a cool place. Not to mention that our kid has an unusually loud voice. Even when she’s happy, she’s LOUD. I’m sure between the screaming and kicking the floor, the building probably measured about a 4.1 on the Richter scale.

Admittedly, once we got to the bubble room, she was so enthralled that the temper tantrum stopped as quickly as it started.

But we had to go through the whole screaming tantrum thing again to go to the Lego. And again to the suspension bridge. And again to the music maker. And again to the big giant wooden truck.

You would think after the first one or two times she’d realize we are only bringing her to something else that is cool! You’d think that Mommy would have learned to stash some emergency chocolate in her purse so that she could shove some in her mouth, close her eyes, and go to her happy place for a few seconds while Daddy deals with Screamy McYells-a-lot.

I’m all for letting my kid experience things first hand, and taking her out to see the world and learn through “doing” rather than being “told” how things work. But maybe we need to wait to try this place again until either she’s just had the best nap of her life, or Mommy is sponsored by Hershey.

 

 

0

“Come on bladder, what’s a Mom got to do to sleep through the night?”

You know the routine. Your kid is finally in bed. You’ve had a couple of  hours of silence (that’s if this is one of those lucky nights that they actually stay asleep) and you are more than ready to pack it in for the night. You’ve done your time, so your crossing every single finger and toe on all of your appendages to just get one solid night of sleep before you’re hit with mayhem in the morning.

So you pee. You really make sure that you try and get out every damn drop, cause stuff just isn’t the same after you’ve pushed out a kid. It doesn’t, shall we say, “bounce back”. You brush your teeth. You wash your face. (Aww hell who am I kidding, most nights I’m too damn tired and lazy to wash my face. I just wake up in the morning and say “shit, there’s another pimple cause I’m too lazy to make the effort at that time of night). Then, if you’re like me,  you try and pee AGAIN because usually, there’s just another little tinkle in there that didn’t manage to sneak out.

That should do it, right? Two damn pee’s before you hit the hay.

Now I’m lucky, people say. My kid sleeps through the night now. I should be happy and well rested in the mornings, yes?

WRONG!

My bladder has another thing in mind. I’m up at least twice every night to empty the pipes. Can you say drain the lizard if you’re a girl? That sounds way more epic and cool than empty the pipes.

So I get up. I make my way to the bathroom (with eyes half open and full of those little sleep crusties), and pee. By the time I’m done peeing, I’m too asleep too do anything productive, but too awake to fall immediately back to sleep. So I check my kid to make sure she’s still breathing (chest goes up, chest goes down). I check my email, cause wtf else do you do at 230 in the morning? I lie on the couch and hope to fall back asleep.

Oh wait, there we go, I think I’m going to fall asleep! So I rush back to bed, push my fiance out of the way because God forbid he try to take over any of the bed in my absence. I need 75% of the width of that bed. I’m a sprawler, and I’m mean about it. I don’t know how he puts up with me.

Fast forward to about 5am and we’re on repeat! Up, pee, check kid is alive, check email, wander back to bed, push fiance, try to sleep.

Then the kid gets up between 530 and 7am. If I’m lucky it is 7am. If I’m lucky, it’s only been a two pee night.

They say kegels (is that even how you spell it?) helps with this. Bullshit. It doesn’t. It also doesn’t help with the after effects of super sneeze or colossal cough. Enough said.

I’m too young for depends, but some nights I wonder if it’d be worth it to just sleep through the night.