7

My leaky bladder makes sense now!

Call your mother and say something nice!

My little L will be two at the end of October, which means I am approaching the hell that can only be described as potty training. She’s already shown interest a tiny bit, and has asked to sit on the big girl toilet once, and stayed there for about 15-20 minutes while singing songs and “chatting” as much as a not quite two year old can. Which means, I’ll have to go buy a potty.

So I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for potty training. I’m bracing myself for accidents – an unintentional pee in the underpants, not quite making it to the toilet in time, her feeling ashamed of peeing herself, trying to let her know it’s okay, and that Mommy knows it was an accident, etc. Then I realized – it all makes sense!

THIS must be why after we give birth, our bladders aren’t ever the same. THIS must be why when we cough, or sneeze, or laugh too hard we piss our pants. THIS must be why I’m up a bazillion times a night to pee. THIS must be why.

Mom’s are biologically made to accidentally piss themselves after giving birth so that we are empathetic to our toddlers when they piss themselves during potty training. I’ve unintentionally peed in my underpants, I’ve felt ashamed at peeing myself (even if it is just some wee drips), and I need comfort too, dammit! So this is why it happens – so when my sweet L feels embarrassed and ashamed when she has her first pissy accident, I can say with complete sympathy, “It’s ok L, Mummy understands. She sometimes pees her pants too, but we have to keep trying to make it to the toilet on time, and empty ourselves frequently to avoid accidental drips”.

So, my sweet L, Mummy gets it. She really, really does. Kegels just don’t do what they are supposed to do 100% of the time.

(Do you piss your pants, too? If so, vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs – just a single click on the button to the right of my blog equals a vote! If you don’t piss your pants, I’d stillĀ  appreciate sympathy votes to make me and my leaky bladder feel a little bit better).

11

Strangest baby/kid products part 2!

Since I’ve been sad about what is to come tonight (see: “To my cat, before you die.“), I decided that to cheer myself up a bit and distract myself I would scour the internet for some more beyond crazy baby and kid products. There are some weird ones out there, but these were what made my list today.

Here we go!

1) Bratz Babyz.

Ok, as if Bratz dolls aren’t slutty bad enough, there are apparently also Bratz Babyz out there. WTF! Babies are innocent, sweet, and pure. Babyz on the other hand, are slutty, skanky, full of makeup and sexualized. WHO THE EFF THINKS IT IS OK TO SEXUALIZE A BABY AND MARKET IT! So wrong on so many levels. Hate, hate, HATE!

SO WRONG!

SO WRONG!

Talk about marketing to pedophiles...

Talk about marketing to pedophiles…

Who buys this stuff!!!

2) First High Heels by Heelarious. ( http://tristinstyling.com/kids/baby-girl/get-her-heelarious-for-christmas )

heelarious1

Popular among celebrities for baby gifts, apparently these babies are popular all over the world and have been featured in Vogue Japan, given out by Ellen DeGeneres for mom’s to be, and the list goes on and on.

Am I the only one who wonders what the hell is wrong with letting kids be kids? Why do they have to be little grown-ups at 6 months old? A woman wearing high heels is considered a sex symbol, so what does that make a 6 month old in heels? Sure, little girls like to play dress up and that’s all fair. But these are made for babies 0-6 months old. At that point they aren’t playing dress up, Mommy is. Mommy is also pushing her ideals of beauty onto her child before she’s even gotten to an age where she can begin to develop a sense of worth, or have confidence in herself for who she is rather than what she is wearing or what she looks like.

So much wrong…

3) The iPotty. ( http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2259969/iPotty-gadget-lets-toddlers-watch-videos-iPad-toilet-training.html )

Take this review as you may, because I don’t own an iPad. But I see all kinds of reasons why I wouldn’t buy this product.

iPoop, iPee, iPotty!

iPoop, iPee, iPotty!

Here’s my thoughts on this. We already are living in a digital society where our kids are spending too much time in front of screens and not enough time learning to do things by hand or interact with other humans. Between TV’s, computers, iPhones, iPads, Leapfrogs, etc., our kids are learning that everything has to be done with digital accompaniment. While some people may say the iPotty will help their kid actually sit still and stay on the potty, I say it will help them to learn to be too dependent on technology rather than focusing on the task at hand.

Plus, if you’re training a toddler, there are bound to be “misses” with the pee aim, dirty poop and pee covered fingers smearing the screen, and germs galore! How will they be able to focus on that “I have to go” feeling, when they’re focusing on a video or a game? How weird is it that your kid knows how to use an iPad and not a toilet? To me this just screams “easy out” for parents who don’t want to have to put work into potty training. Potty training is one of those times that you should be active in engaging your toddler, and talking with them, teaching them, and rewarding them. Not plunking them down and walking away while the iPotty babysits for you.

Ever heard of Pavlov’s dogs? This is a prime example of classical conditioning. We are going to raise a generation of kids who see an iPad, and have to iPoop or iPee. Gross.

Seen any weird or crazy products geared towards parents or kids lately? I want to hear about them!

Don’t forget to like How to Ruin a Toddler’s Day on Facebook!

22

Top 5 Strangest/Most Unnecessary Baby Products

Do you ever look at some products out there and have a serious “Oh my God, who would actually buy this?” moment? I do all the time, but I am pretty big on only buying things that I deem actually necessary.

So after perusing the internet tonight (baby L is asleep and my fiance is setting up a PS3 so I actually had some time to play on the net) I found some products that I just had to comment on. Some made me laugh, some made me slap my hand to my forehead in disbelief.

Would love to hear your opinions!

So here we go – My top 5 strangest, most unnecessary baby products of all time!

1) Baby Bangs (www.babybangs.com)

baby-bangs

Seriously – WTF.

I mean my little girl was bald for her first 9 months, but it’s a cute baby bald. I never felt the need to Donald Trump her and give her an obviously fake toupee! Who actually looks at her baby and says “I mean she’s kinda cute, but I mean I think she’d be prettier if I could give her a wig”. Way to start your daughter off with a complex right from the get go – you’ve only just been born, and we’re already giving you body image issues. Yay! (BARF!)

2) Temperature Test Duck

temperature duck

While pregnant, I was walking through Babies R Us with someone who spotted this and exclaimed “Wow! What a genius idea! Now you’ll know if the water is too hot!”.

Umm, correct me if I’m wrong, but in the time it takes you to take the duck and put it in the water, wait for the duck to read the temperature, pick it up and turn it over to read the temperature gauge….. could you not have just put your damn hand into the tub and checked it yourself?! Completely unnecessary.

3) Baby Bottom Fan

baby bottom fan

Baby bum rashes suck. I’ve been there and done that and it is a PAIN IN THE ASS (Haha look at me being punny) to deal with. Any doctor or nurse will tell you that letting your babe air out their tush is crucial to speeding up healing time. But seriously? A baby bottom fan? When my kid is sore and in pain, and doesn’t sit still, I’m not about to put a fan with whirring blades up in there. It’s not like she’d sit still to let me do it anyway. Besides there’s this other thing you can use that will do the same thing for free…. air.

4) Perfume for babies.

Baby Perfume

ARE. YOU. FOR. REAL?

Seriously. It was recently in the news that Dolce and Gabbana is also releasing a baby perfume, for all those mama’s who are like “Eww I hate the way my baby smells”. Excuse me?
The thing I love most about babies is that baby smell! Their little freshly bathed heads. Besides, who in their right mind is ok with slathering unnecessary chemicals all over their babes skin?

This is just an awful idea all around.

5) Buster ride on vaccuum for toddlers.

Buster Ride on Vaccuum

Ok when I first saw this, I thought this was so unnecessary and just a marketing ploy. Then I really thought about it. Whoever invented this is actually a GENIUS!

This is probably the only thing on this list I might buy. My kid is obsessed with her little ride on cars. She tries to go all over the house with them. She’s also obsessed with the vaccuum cleaner. Why not combine them, let her “play” and then it’s one less chore for Mommy to do?

“Hey Mama, can I PLEEASE ride my car in the house?”

“Sigh… if you must.”

Mom gets to sit back with a Hershey bar while the kid cleans the house without even knowing it.

Where can I get one of these?

0

“Atta girl, you get that Doctor!”

How to ruin a toddler’s day – one word. Immunizations.

Now I don’t want to get into the whole debate on whether or not you should immunize your kids. I’ve been there and done that. I work in a clinic where ex-coworkers basically chastised me at the thought of not immunizing. The end of the story is we chose to do so. End of that discussion.

My girl has a MASSIVE phobia of the doctor’s office/hospital/dentist. Basically anywhere she has to be examined. This stems, I believe, from a fall she had just shy of her first birthday. She pulled herself up on some furniture and fell forward, hitting her tooth up into her gums on the way down. A year of follow up appointments at the dentistry department of our local children’s hospital later, we are in the clear.

But holy hell did they traumatize her! Two to three people pinning her down at a time to get a look at the tooth in question.

Well there goes my kid’s trusting nature. Eff that. She’s had enough with all of you guys!

So a couple of months ago it was time for her 18 month shots. I was DREADING taking her in. I mean all kids scream, but one doctor told me she’s never seen a kid fight like her. She said she should be a “freedom fighter”. I think she tried to make me feel better about the whole thing by saying something like “Good for her. She knows what she doesn’t want and isn’t afraid to fight against it”. Yeah. That’s nice speak for “Holy crap will you just get her to sit still and be quiet so my eardrums don’t spontaneously combust?”.

So we needed a plan to get her used to the idea of needles. Enter, this kit!Doctor Kit

She LOVED IT! We practised with the needle and stethoscope most. We brought both to the office. In the waiting room, we gave her a “needle”, and she gave us one. All ok.

We entered the room. Hell breaks loose. She won’t stop fighting, so my fiance has to assume the position and hold her still to get it over with. The doctor had to take the toy needle from her. I think it was partly that he was afraid of her having anything that could potentially be used as a weapon against him. I’m telling you, she’d use anything she could!

So when all is said and done, she’s standing there with a pout on her face. He says “All done, L. You can go home now! Here’s your toy back”.

WELL OH MY GOD.

He gave her the toy needle. Payback is a bitch doc.

Didn’t she just take her little fisher price needle, get a devious little look on her face, walk over to the doc and give him one in the leg to return the favour. All you can hear is her going “he he he”. Good ol’ doc played along and said “Ouch! You got me!”.

At 18 months old, my kid has already realized the satisfaction of revenge. I’m in trouble.