4

Drama, potty training and caterpillar poop.

What a whirlwind few weeks we’ve had. 

Remember in my last post I talked about the potty training hell we’ve been having? Trust me, I can almost guarantee you that my little toddler is more dramatic and stubborn than any other kid out there. I have NO IDEA where she gets that from *cough cough*.

Potty training. It was going okay for a while, then my little L became obsessed with staying dry. OBSESSED! We asked her if she had to pee and we’d hear “No thanks, I’m still dry!”. 

Have I said the word OBSESSED yet?

It was getting bad. Bad to the point that one Sunday she hadn’t peed all morning. I brought her to a baby shower with me that afternoon and she finally peed (with a bit of an accident on the floor) at 3 pm. I was just thrilled she finally peed, and was trying to show her how happy I was. But she was not so thrilled. She was devastated that it was on the floor and her underwear and not in the toilet. Poor little girl had a broken heart. This is where the drama begins. 

She decided she’d never pee again. 

Remeber these? Mr. Men, aren't they?  Well, this perfectly describes my little L.

Remeber these? Mr. Men, aren’t they?
Well, this perfectly describes my little L.

Have I mentioned she’s stubborn?

So the rest of the afternoon went by. No pee. The evening drew in, supper was eaten and beverages consumed. No pee. Time for bed, and still no pee. So I put her in a pull-up and convinced myself I’d wake up to a nice full Huggies waiting to be changed. She was tossing and turning all night, uncomfortable, in pain, but refusing to pee. I woke her up and tried to get her to pee. 

“No thank you. I’m still dry”. 

“L sweetie, Mummy wants you to pee! It would make Mummy so happy! You can pee on the toilet, or in your pull-up or even on the floor. It’s okay to pee sweetie. Just let it out, you’ll feel better”

(Panic drew in on her face, and she erupted in tears) – “No. L is a good girl. L is still dry”. 

My heart broke. How can you make someone pee who wants more than anything to never pee again?

She finally fell back to sleep and I was convinced that if she fell asleep, she’d just let it go and we’d be good by 7 am. 

She woke up still dry, still uncomfortable, pacing the apartment, sitting on the couch and banging her head in frustration. Refusing to eat or drink. Refusing to just frigging pee. 

At 8 am when my Doctor’s office opened, we had reached 17 hours with no pee. WHO THE HELL CAN GO THAT LONG WITHOUT PEEING? Oh wait. My kid can, cause she’s stubborn and refuses to give in to anyone or anything. I called and talked to my doctor who told me not to bother bringing her to him and instead bring her to the local children’s hospital. He worried she’d need to be catheterized. I panicked at the extra pain (above and beyond what she was already feeling) that would cause her. 

So off we went to the local children’s hospital, where we actually got in quite quickly. I think they were fearing UTI, kidney failure, etc. Turns out, she’s just stubborn. The nurse, doctor and I were all trying to convince her, bribe her, encourage her and beg her. No luck. 

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Finally, two minutes before the 19 HOUR MARK, she peed. The peeing resulted in hysterics. Screaming, crying, anxiety, actual panic, and pee. It filled the pull-up, and puddled around her feet. The entire nurses station, approximately a dozen people erupted into cheers and applause. They ran over and gave her hugs and high-fives. They gave her a Popsicle, two stickers, and so much praise. The doctor said it isn’t that uncommon in little girls to become obsessed with the new skill of holding their urine, and then forget how to release. 

So we forgot about the underpants for two weeks, and focused on just getting her to pee. Once she was peeing freely again and feeling happy about being able to pee, we decided to revisit the underwear since the Doctor said that her holding so long was actually a sign she was indeed ready to do it.

This past week, we revisited it and we are successful! She’s peeing happily on the toilet, because we told her that her Auntie’s boyfriend (who she is completely in love with) pees on the toilet, too. That’s all the inspiration she apparently needed. Ugh. I’m in trouble with this one if she’s already doing things to please boys. 

Pooping was another story though. She hadn’t pooped since Monday, and I was getting worried. But this afternoon she finally did, and when it came out I nearly died. It was so hard not to break out into laughter after hearing what she said.

“Mommy, look! I’m pooping in the toilet!”

Pause…

“Mommy…it’s long. Like the very hungry poopy calerpitter” (Caterpillar for those who don’t speak toddlerish).

“Mommy! I pooped a calerpitter!!!!”.

So for the rest of the day, she’s been proudly telling people she pooped out a calerpitter. That got me some strange looks at the supermarket. In all honesty, having her in diapers was so much fucking easier.

potty-training

7

My leaky bladder makes sense now!

Call your mother and say something nice!

My little L will be two at the end of October, which means I am approaching the hell that can only be described as potty training. She’s already shown interest a tiny bit, and has asked to sit on the big girl toilet once, and stayed there for about 15-20 minutes while singing songs and “chatting” as much as a not quite two year old can. Which means, I’ll have to go buy a potty.

So I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for potty training. I’m bracing myself for accidents – an unintentional pee in the underpants, not quite making it to the toilet in time, her feeling ashamed of peeing herself, trying to let her know it’s okay, and that Mommy knows it was an accident, etc. Then I realized – it all makes sense!

THIS must be why after we give birth, our bladders aren’t ever the same. THIS must be why when we cough, or sneeze, or laugh too hard we piss our pants. THIS must be why I’m up a bazillion times a night to pee. THIS must be why.

Mom’s are biologically made to accidentally piss themselves after giving birth so that we are empathetic to our toddlers when they piss themselves during potty training. I’ve unintentionally peed in my underpants, I’ve felt ashamed at peeing myself (even if it is just some wee drips), and I need comfort too, dammit! So this is why it happens – so when my sweet L feels embarrassed and ashamed when she has her first pissy accident, I can say with complete sympathy, “It’s ok L, Mummy understands. She sometimes pees her pants too, but we have to keep trying to make it to the toilet on time, and empty ourselves frequently to avoid accidental drips”.

So, my sweet L, Mummy gets it. She really, really does. Kegels just don’t do what they are supposed to do 100% of the time.

(Do you piss your pants, too? If so, vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs – just a single click on the button to the right of my blog equals a vote! If you don’t piss your pants, I’d still  appreciate sympathy votes to make me and my leaky bladder feel a little bit better).