4

Drama, potty training and caterpillar poop.

What a whirlwind few weeks we’ve had. 

Remember in my last post I talked about the potty training hell we’ve been having? Trust me, I can almost guarantee you that my little toddler is more dramatic and stubborn than any other kid out there. I have NO IDEA where she gets that from *cough cough*.

Potty training. It was going okay for a while, then my little L became obsessed with staying dry. OBSESSED! We asked her if she had to pee and we’d hear “No thanks, I’m still dry!”. 

Have I said the word OBSESSED yet?

It was getting bad. Bad to the point that one Sunday she hadn’t peed all morning. I brought her to a baby shower with me that afternoon and she finally peed (with a bit of an accident on the floor) at 3 pm. I was just thrilled she finally peed, and was trying to show her how happy I was. But she was not so thrilled. She was devastated that it was on the floor and her underwear and not in the toilet. Poor little girl had a broken heart. This is where the drama begins. 

She decided she’d never pee again. 

Remeber these? Mr. Men, aren't they?  Well, this perfectly describes my little L.

Remeber these? Mr. Men, aren’t they?
Well, this perfectly describes my little L.

Have I mentioned she’s stubborn?

So the rest of the afternoon went by. No pee. The evening drew in, supper was eaten and beverages consumed. No pee. Time for bed, and still no pee. So I put her in a pull-up and convinced myself I’d wake up to a nice full Huggies waiting to be changed. She was tossing and turning all night, uncomfortable, in pain, but refusing to pee. I woke her up and tried to get her to pee. 

“No thank you. I’m still dry”. 

“L sweetie, Mummy wants you to pee! It would make Mummy so happy! You can pee on the toilet, or in your pull-up or even on the floor. It’s okay to pee sweetie. Just let it out, you’ll feel better”

(Panic drew in on her face, and she erupted in tears) – “No. L is a good girl. L is still dry”. 

My heart broke. How can you make someone pee who wants more than anything to never pee again?

She finally fell back to sleep and I was convinced that if she fell asleep, she’d just let it go and we’d be good by 7 am. 

She woke up still dry, still uncomfortable, pacing the apartment, sitting on the couch and banging her head in frustration. Refusing to eat or drink. Refusing to just frigging pee. 

At 8 am when my Doctor’s office opened, we had reached 17 hours with no pee. WHO THE HELL CAN GO THAT LONG WITHOUT PEEING? Oh wait. My kid can, cause she’s stubborn and refuses to give in to anyone or anything. I called and talked to my doctor who told me not to bother bringing her to him and instead bring her to the local children’s hospital. He worried she’d need to be catheterized. I panicked at the extra pain (above and beyond what she was already feeling) that would cause her. 

So off we went to the local children’s hospital, where we actually got in quite quickly. I think they were fearing UTI, kidney failure, etc. Turns out, she’s just stubborn. The nurse, doctor and I were all trying to convince her, bribe her, encourage her and beg her. No luck. 

961109

Finally, two minutes before the 19 HOUR MARK, she peed. The peeing resulted in hysterics. Screaming, crying, anxiety, actual panic, and pee. It filled the pull-up, and puddled around her feet. The entire nurses station, approximately a dozen people erupted into cheers and applause. They ran over and gave her hugs and high-fives. They gave her a Popsicle, two stickers, and so much praise. The doctor said it isn’t that uncommon in little girls to become obsessed with the new skill of holding their urine, and then forget how to release. 

So we forgot about the underpants for two weeks, and focused on just getting her to pee. Once she was peeing freely again and feeling happy about being able to pee, we decided to revisit the underwear since the Doctor said that her holding so long was actually a sign she was indeed ready to do it.

This past week, we revisited it and we are successful! She’s peeing happily on the toilet, because we told her that her Auntie’s boyfriend (who she is completely in love with) pees on the toilet, too. That’s all the inspiration she apparently needed. Ugh. I’m in trouble with this one if she’s already doing things to please boys. 

Pooping was another story though. She hadn’t pooped since Monday, and I was getting worried. But this afternoon she finally did, and when it came out I nearly died. It was so hard not to break out into laughter after hearing what she said.

“Mommy, look! I’m pooping in the toilet!”

Pause…

“Mommy…it’s long. Like the very hungry poopy calerpitter” (Caterpillar for those who don’t speak toddlerish).

“Mommy! I pooped a calerpitter!!!!”.

So for the rest of the day, she’s been proudly telling people she pooped out a calerpitter. That got me some strange looks at the supermarket. In all honesty, having her in diapers was so much fucking easier.

potty-training

Advertisements
5

If I could act like my toddler…

Some days, being an adult really sucks. Like majorly sucks. There are many times throughout the day where I think to myself – wouldn’t it be awesome if I could express myself the way my toddler does and get away with it? I’m far from the type of person to completely bite my tongue when things upset me, but there are days I really would love to be able to lash out, spaz out, cry, curse, kick, throw myself on the floor and generally give up on everything when shit goes wrong. I realize how ridiculous that would look if you saw an adult acting that way, but I don’t care. Sometimes I just want to be that way.

So, I imagined different scenarios where I think I’d like to be able to act like a toddler.

– Waking up:

L: “Mommy, wake up!”

Me: *Grunt, groan, grumble* “NO! I don’t wanna!!!” (Hides under blanket and becomes dead weight). Wait for someone to physically pick me up and carry me out of bed, but not before I can frantically grab my pillow and blanket and take it out with me. Full pout, grumpy, cranky mess until I get to watch my favourite TV show and generally not have to do anything on my own.

– Getting dressed:

Me: “I don’t wanna wear work clothes!No, no, no! I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR A BRA! I want to stay in my jammies. Fine, I’ll at least put on pants, but I’m not putting on a bra or changing out of my baggy t-shirt. Ugggh, I don’t WANNA look pretty! Fine. But I get to wear a tiara. All day. I don’t care if it embarrasses you, I WANNA WEAR IT!”

– Breakfast:

Me: “Why don’t we have anything to eat?!?! I DON’T WANNA MAKE ANYTHING. *Pout, cross arms, and sit on the floor until someone does it for me*. No, I don’t want cereal, the milk makes it all soggy and gross! I don’t care, I won’t eat it – it tastes like wet, mushy worms when Shreddies get soggy. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”. I don’t want breakfast food for breakfast at all. I want a cookie for breakfast. I WANT A COOKIE!!!”.

– Leaving the house:

Me: “Time for shoes? But I don’t wanna wear socks with them – they make my toes feel all claustrophobic and sweaty! I want to wear my sandals all year. WHY WON’T THE WEATHER STAY NICE?!? It’s not fair! I hate my toes feeling confined. Besides, my socks don’t match my damn tiara! You’re leaving without me? Fine by me, I’ll just stay home and lay on the couch all day! Hahaha. Why are you dragging me to the door? DON’T TOUCH ME! I DONT’ WANT TO WEAR SOCKS!!!”

– Ordering coffee:

Me: “I want a large coffee, but I want it to taste like chocolate, so let’s do half hot chocolate. Mmmm chocolate! Wait, what do you mean your hot chocolate machine is broken?!? IT’S NOT FAIR! *stomp, cry, take off my toe-suffocating sock, ball it up and throw it through the drive through window at the lady denying me hot chocolate*. I HATE YOU AND I HATE LIFE – NOTHING IS FAIR! (Pout, but order a double-double coffee anyway because life without caffeine isn’t tolerable.)

– Bedtime:

Me: Screw it all, fend for your damn selves, I’m tapping out and going to sleep for the next week! The first person to wake me up gets it – and by gets it, I mean does dirty diaper duty for the next month, and had to do all the dishes on top of facing the wrath that is my sleep-deprived self. Good luck!

I’m sure there are a million more I could think of, but I’d be writing for days!

What types of situations make you wish throwing tantrums were acceptable?