If I could act like my toddler…

Some days, being an adult really sucks. Like majorly sucks. There are many times throughout the day where I think to myself – wouldn’t it be awesome if I could express myself the way my toddler does and get away with it? I’m far from the type of person to completely bite my tongue when things upset me, but there are days I really would love to be able to lash out, spaz out, cry, curse, kick, throw myself on the floor and generally give up on everything when shit goes wrong. I realize how ridiculous that would look if you saw an adult acting that way, but I don’t care. Sometimes I just want to be that way.

So, I imagined different scenarios where I think I’d like to be able to act like a toddler.

– Waking up:

L: “Mommy, wake up!”

Me: *Grunt, groan, grumble* “NO! I don’t wanna!!!” (Hides under blanket and becomes dead weight). Wait for someone to physically pick me up and carry me out of bed, but not before I can frantically grab my pillow and blanket and take it out with me. Full pout, grumpy, cranky mess until I get to watch my favourite TV show and generally not have to do anything on my own.

– Getting dressed:

Me: “I don’t wanna wear work clothes!No, no, no! I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR A BRA! I want to stay in my jammies. Fine, I’ll at least put on pants, but I’m not putting on a bra or changing out of my baggy t-shirt. Ugggh, I don’t WANNA look pretty! Fine. But I get to wear a tiara. All day. I don’t care if it embarrasses you, I WANNA WEAR IT!”

– Breakfast:

Me: “Why don’t we have anything to eat?!?! I DON’T WANNA MAKE ANYTHING. *Pout, cross arms, and sit on the floor until someone does it for me*. No, I don’t want cereal, the milk makes it all soggy and gross! I don’t care, I won’t eat it – it tastes like wet, mushy worms when Shreddies get soggy. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”. I don’t want breakfast food for breakfast at all. I want a cookie for breakfast. I WANT A COOKIE!!!”.

– Leaving the house:

Me: “Time for shoes? But I don’t wanna wear socks with them – they make my toes feel all claustrophobic and sweaty! I want to wear my sandals all year. WHY WON’T THE WEATHER STAY NICE?!? It’s not fair! I hate my toes feeling confined. Besides, my socks don’t match my damn tiara! You’re leaving without me? Fine by me, I’ll just stay home and lay on the couch all day! Hahaha. Why are you dragging me to the door? DON’T TOUCH ME! I DONT’ WANT TO WEAR SOCKS!!!”

– Ordering coffee:

Me: “I want a large coffee, but I want it to taste like chocolate, so let’s do half hot chocolate. Mmmm chocolate! Wait, what do you mean your hot chocolate machine is broken?!? IT’S NOT FAIR! *stomp, cry, take off my toe-suffocating sock, ball it up and throw it through the drive through window at the lady denying me hot chocolate*. I HATE YOU AND I HATE LIFE – NOTHING IS FAIR! (Pout, but order a double-double coffee anyway because life without caffeine isn’t tolerable.)

– Bedtime:

Me: Screw it all, fend for your damn selves, I’m tapping out and going to sleep for the next week! The first person to wake me up gets it – and by gets it, I mean does dirty diaper duty for the next month, and had to do all the dishes on top of facing the wrath that is my sleep-deprived self. Good luck!

I’m sure there are a million more I could think of, but I’d be writing for days!

What types of situations make you wish throwing tantrums were acceptable?

5 thoughts on “If I could act like my toddler…

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