Motherhood confessionals…the proposal

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Last night, I was a bad Mom. I’m going to partially blame it on a new medication I’m on that has left me anxious, irritable, kind of depressed and snappy. (I have an appointment on Thursday to get off of this medication, as it isn’t really working for its intended purpose anyway).

This medication has shortened my emotional fuse immensely, and because of it I snapped at L.

L didn’t want to eat her dinner last night. She spit in on the floor a few times, and pursed her lips tightly closed in refusal to eat. More than once I said rather loudly to the fiance “I’m so done with her! I can’t take her anymore!”. Then when she was still whining and complaining I did the worst. I got right in her face and raised my voice too loudly and harshly and said “That’s ENOUGH! STOP IT!”, all while pointing my pointer finger out right in her face nearly touching her nose.

Instantly I felt regret. Instantly I felt like a failure to her. Instantly, she cried. Not just any cry…an afraid cry. She didn’t understand why Mommy was yelling, and didn’t understand why I was so angry. After all, this isn’t the first dinner time fight we’ve had, but it is the first time I lost my cool.

To be honest, I don’t really understand what made me so angry either.

How could I have done that? That is not my personality. That is not me. I later broke down completely in my bedroom (poor fiance trying unsuccessfully to console me) feeling like I’d failed her as a mother. My bedsheets had a puddle of my tears stained on them. I know that my losing my patience did nothing to better the situation. She still didn’t want to eat supper, only now Mommy was scary, too. I need to get off of this medication…

(I will add that 5 minutes later, I knelt down to her level and apologized to her. I told her she didn’t deserve to be spoken to that way and that Mommy was wrong and sorry. We hugged and kissed it out, and the two of us were good for the rest of the night).

This is way worse than the times I’ve forgotten to pack her a change of clothes when she was younger and she had baby poop explosions all over the one outfit I had for her. It’s way worse than the times I’ve left her in her pyjamas all day at home because Mommy was too lazy to get either of us dressed for the day (all day PJ parties!). And it’s way worse than the time I let her cry in her crib just “one more minute” to see if she’d soothe herself back to sleep because I really didn’t want to get out of bed.

Then it got me thinking. None of us are perfect, right? We all must have some secret confessions we want to make.

candybarcloset

So here is my proposal – I want to do a blog post called “Motherhood confessionals”, where I can anonymously share some of our weaker moments. Something you forgot to do, something that makes you feel like you’ve failed, something that you do to get by day to day (like drink wine after the kids go to sleep).

If you’ve got a confession to share, just contact me under my “Suggestions/About” area, and let me know your confession. I will not post your name or blog URL to your confession (unless you’ve given me permission to do so).

Cleaing 2

I think it would be a great way for all of us Mom’s to see that nobody is perfect, we aren’t alone in our struggles or our failures, and that life does indeed go on.

Hopefully this will work out and we’ll end up with a great (anonymous) confessional post. Oh and Dad’s – if you have a secret confession please feel free to share it as well. Would love to hear from both sides!

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9 thoughts on “Motherhood confessionals…the proposal

  1. Great idea! I’ve been there with the irrational yelling thing. I think as we feel bad about it then it minimises the chance of it being a regular occurence. A friend said to me once “kids know all your buttons and press them regularly” and it is sooooo true.

    • Thanks! I really hope that I get a few willing participants to submit something, otherwise the whole idea will be a flop.

      Got any you want to share? LOL

      I really did feel awful last night. It is not something that I would normally do, and after reading some of the side effects of my medication I really am wondering if that is a contributing factor.

  2. So I have had many moments in my 18 years of raising 3 boys that I am not very proud of. Many I have shoved so far back in my mind I don’t think I could retrieve them if I wanted.
    A little background on myself, I have 3 boys, my oldest is 18, who I had at the ripe old age of 19. My second son was born a whopping 10 years later. We found out at the age of 2 he was Autistic. My 3rd son will be 2 in October.
    This particular incident was with my youngest, so if being a mother of a teenager and a child with Autism isn’t enough, I was blessed with a borderline colicky baby. After hour number, oh I don’t know, lets say 3 of relentless crying I finally broke down and texted my husband, you need to come home now. Nothing else, just come home now. Can you imagine receiving that text. Working an hour away, I knew he wasn’t going to show up anytime soon. I paced the house with screaming baby in my arms, and tried with every part of my being not to loose my mind. I didn’t, thank God. When hubby came home A was still upset and I had by this time joined the cry fest. Now this isn’t a confessional about what I did to my children, it was what I did to my best friend, after he came into the house and took the baby from me, I immediately screamed at him that I can’t do this anymore and this what NOT what I wanted for my life..UGHHHH. Insert instant regret and feeling like a piece of shit. The look on hubbys face was the worst I have ever seen. I hurt him deeply, and although he knew I didn’t really mean it, I think he thought there was some truth to it.

    • Oh dear. We’ve all been there, just nobody ever talks about how hard it can be. It’s a shame really because I’m a firm believer that if we as women were more honest in our hardships we’d feel less like we are failures and more like we are normal.
      Thank you so much for sharing. Would you like me to include this in my blog post confessionals? Or would you like to send along another one that would be anonymous?

  3. Pingback: Woohoo, I’ve been featured! | How To Ruin A Toddler's Day

  4. Pingback: Motherhood Confessionals – Last Call! | How To Ruin A Toddler's Day

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