You know those moments. The ones where you see your kid doing something, and your first instinct is to yell “Oh My God, you are not seriously doing that right now!”. But then common sense kicks in and you realize, fuck, it’s totally my fault and I can’t yell at all.
I had one of those moments last night.
Any working mom knows, that when you work all day, you want to be one of those mom’s who has super fun with their kid before bed. You don’t get to see them much, except for weekends, so you want those few precious hours to be awesome, super fun-mom time.
But some nights, you’re just too fucking tired. Your brain is scrambled and it’s all you can fucking do to get to bedtime. That was last night. It was one of those nights where she needed a bath, and it could not be skipped. (Thankfully she loves tubby time, so it isn’t a chore.)
So here’s me. I have the water running in the tub. I’ve got a blanket on the floor so she isn’t sitting right on the carpet afterwards. I’ve found one of those hooded towel things. I got the kid stripped down to her birthday suit. We’re about to go to the tub when I realize – shit – if I don’t have tubby toys this won’t go well. So I take ten seconds (LITERALLY ONLY TEN FUCKING SECONDS) to grab some toys from her toy box to put in the tub.
I turn around, and she’s looking down, peeing all over the living room carpet.
Insert me wanting to yell “You are not seriously doing this right now!!!”. I didn’t yell. But I might have cried. My fiance had a “This is why I don’t take her diaper off till we are beside the bathtub” look on his face, and deservedly so.
She isn’t near potty trained, and this is the first time she was actually conscious of her peeing, because she felt it dripping down her fucking leg. I’m the bad mom.
So here I am, fighting back tears, wanting to yell (mostly at myself for being such a dumb ass) and I have to pull myself together so that my kid isn’t traumatized by her first piss outside of her diaper.
Mom fail. Clean carpet fail. Sanity fail.
Fuck the chocolate, where’s the wine?