How I ruined my toddler’s evening… “The toilet water is not for drinking!”
So my kid, she likes to make sounds. When she’s thirsty (or sees a picture of juice, milk, etc.) she doesn’t say the word for the drink. She will instead point to it, swallow and make that “Ahhh!” sound you make after you’ve chugged back way too much beverage.
So the other night, she wandered into the kitchen, pointed at the fridge and started dancing around to get my attention, swallowing and saying “Ahhhh!”. That’s the “I’m thirsty” signal, so I gave her a glass of the juice she was freaking out over. She had a few sips, and wandered off. That was my mistake right there – assuming she went to her room to play.
Fast forward a couple of minutes later when I hear my fiance yelling, “Nooooo, L! You don’t do that! Dirty! Dirty!”.
WTF just happend. Jesus Christ, what is she doing.
Turns out, she thought water would be better than juice, so she made her way into the bathroom, and proceeded to dunk her hands into the toilet bowl, and then lick the water off her fingers. My fiance is frantically washing the toilet water off of her hands while trying to explain that the toilet water isn’t for drinking, it’s for doing other nasty shit in (quite literally). Then I hear “She won’t let me rinse out her mouth!!!”. What 19 month old lets you rinse out their mouth. Holy eff, this is gross. Meanwhile, she’s had her night ruined, because the ONLY thing she wants to be doing in the world right now is licking toilet water off of her fingers. I’m throwing up a little in my mouth right now at the thought of it.
I figured, all I could do was brush her teeth and have her swig back some water. How else do you wash out a mouth? How else do you get rid of toilet water breath? Where the hell do I buy one of those things to lock the toilet seat down?
This is what my life has become. Where’s the chocolate?